The Value of Reframing

I sometimes find myself "down in the dumps." A thought will occur and lead to another and another and pretty soon I realize I am in a funk. Worried about something or upset over some loss I experienced, and I'm in a dark, crappy mood.

I'm not sure I have any great epiphanies, but I do know it helps to re-frame one's circumstances. We can't ever know what might come from any given experience. What "seems" to be a negative at first glance, can often lead to something wonderful, amazing, and totally unexpected.

We don't have the perspective to see the big picture when we are mired in the muck of the moment.

I certainly don't claim to have this all figured out! I go through much of the same doubts and questioning that most people express. But I keep coming back to attempting to re-frame and trust that even with the crappiest moods I get in, I still have a choice to stay there or find a way out. 

If you find yourself there from time to time, I'm not saying you should deny your feelings, by any means. Allow yourself permission to feel crappy, sad, miserable, frustrated, angry, disappointed, bitter--whatever! Even allow yourself a good cry, if it feels right to you.

Just give yourself a time limit to "wallow" in all of it (try not to exceed five or ten minutes, at the most), and then when you feel ready, change your state by doing something that will lift your spirits again, and move on. . .until the next time it hits. I find that accepting this cycle of ups and downs is a normal part of living; the trick is to be patient and nurturing with ourselves when we don't live up to our "shoulds," and to just allow ourselves to roll with it.

What can you do to change your state? When you're ready. . .

Here are some suggestions:

1. Take three deep breaths. On each inhale, say to yourself, "Calm." On each exhale, say "Peaceful" or "Releasing Negatives" or "Releasing Stress."

2. Go for a walk, and be in the moment of that

3. Write out your feelings

4. Play your favorite music

5. Watch a favorite TV recording or video

6. Take a hot shower or a warm relaxing bath

7. Write a list of all the things you have to be grateful for

8. Draw or paint a picture. Nothing fancy, just a little doodling, but allow yourself to really get into it, no rules or "shoulds"--just whatever emerges.

9. Call or send an email to a friend 

10. Find an activity you like to do and do it. Plant a seed.

11. If you like animals and you have access to one, spend a few moments communing with the animal.

12. Read a few pages from a book you like, preferably an inspiring book, or read and ponder some interesting poetry

These are just a few suggestions. You can probably think of others that may be even better suited to you. Don't be reluctant to try out new things. 

I know it is hard to imagine that we may be exactly where we need to be, just on the brink of something incredible that is just around the corner, but I have found that it really helps to push yourself to try and look at the whole unhappy place you are in as a challenge, an exercise, if you will, to keep working at trust in the Universe and expectations of wonderful things that are on their way to you. 

If nothing else, it helps you keep your eyes and other senses open to opportunities that you might miss otherwise. I try to see these types of setbacks and stalls as just another test to see how strong my faith and trust is, that things will get better.

Life is a journey, so they say, and the purpose is to learn and grow. Maybe we still have lessons that need to be learned before we can move on to the best place we want to be in, whatever that is for each person.


Maybe the lesson most deeply needed to be learned is how to accept where we are and discover how to be (at least moderately) content and happy in the moment. I know it sounds like such a cliche, but I find it really helps to try and focus on all the things you have to be grateful for. You know what they are. Start with the smallest things, like gratitude for having a roof over your head, food and water, even the ability to breathe. . .If you can breathe deeply without laboring, that is a good place to start for gratitude.


Love,


Marcy