The Value of Reframing

I sometimes find myself "down in the dumps." A thought will occur and lead to another and another and pretty soon I realize I am in a funk. Worried about something or upset over some loss I experienced, and I'm in a dark, crappy mood.

I'm not sure I have any great epiphanies, but I do know it helps to re-frame one's circumstances. We can't ever know what might come from any given experience. What "seems" to be a negative at first glance, can often lead to something wonderful, amazing, and totally unexpected.

We don't have the perspective to see the big picture when we are mired in the muck of the moment.

I certainly don't claim to have this all figured out! I go through much of the same doubts and questioning that most people express. But I keep coming back to attempting to re-frame and trust that even with the crappiest moods I get in, I still have a choice to stay there or find a way out. 

If you find yourself there from time to time, I'm not saying you should deny your feelings, by any means. Allow yourself permission to feel crappy, sad, miserable, frustrated, angry, disappointed, bitter--whatever! Even allow yourself a good cry, if it feels right to you.

Just give yourself a time limit to "wallow" in all of it (try not to exceed five or ten minutes, at the most), and then when you feel ready, change your state by doing something that will lift your spirits again, and move on. . .until the next time it hits. I find that accepting this cycle of ups and downs is a normal part of living; the trick is to be patient and nurturing with ourselves when we don't live up to our "shoulds," and to just allow ourselves to roll with it.

What can you do to change your state? When you're ready. . .

Here are some suggestions:

1. Take three deep breaths. On each inhale, say to yourself, "Calm." On each exhale, say "Peaceful" or "Releasing Negatives" or "Releasing Stress."

2. Go for a walk, and be in the moment of that

3. Write out your feelings

4. Play your favorite music

5. Watch a favorite TV recording or video

6. Take a hot shower or a warm relaxing bath

7. Write a list of all the things you have to be grateful for

8. Draw or paint a picture. Nothing fancy, just a little doodling, but allow yourself to really get into it, no rules or "shoulds"--just whatever emerges.

9. Call or send an email to a friend 

10. Find an activity you like to do and do it. Plant a seed.

11. If you like animals and you have access to one, spend a few moments communing with the animal.

12. Read a few pages from a book you like, preferably an inspiring book, or read and ponder some interesting poetry

These are just a few suggestions. You can probably think of others that may be even better suited to you. Don't be reluctant to try out new things. 

I know it is hard to imagine that we may be exactly where we need to be, just on the brink of something incredible that is just around the corner, but I have found that it really helps to push yourself to try and look at the whole unhappy place you are in as a challenge, an exercise, if you will, to keep working at trust in the Universe and expectations of wonderful things that are on their way to you. 

If nothing else, it helps you keep your eyes and other senses open to opportunities that you might miss otherwise. I try to see these types of setbacks and stalls as just another test to see how strong my faith and trust is, that things will get better.

Life is a journey, so they say, and the purpose is to learn and grow. Maybe we still have lessons that need to be learned before we can move on to the best place we want to be in, whatever that is for each person.


Maybe the lesson most deeply needed to be learned is how to accept where we are and discover how to be (at least moderately) content and happy in the moment. I know it sounds like such a cliche, but I find it really helps to try and focus on all the things you have to be grateful for. You know what they are. Start with the smallest things, like gratitude for having a roof over your head, food and water, even the ability to breathe. . .If you can breathe deeply without laboring, that is a good place to start for gratitude.


Love,


Marcy

 

 

 Learning to SLOW DOWN

 

Starting a blog is not a light undertaking. Because you have to consider, do I want my thoughts made public? Do I want to share with the world all my dirty laundry?

It has really made me stop and think about what's relevant to "put out there."

I'd like what I have to say to be inspiring and uplifting, without sounding like a Pollyanna.

I wake up in the morning and feel motivated to get out of bed. What motivates me? Well, a nice, hot shower, for one thing. I used to love to go out early and run up and down the neighborhood, even up and down hills, but recently I've developed a stress fracture in my left foot, so now I have to forego the running. 

In fact, I have to stay off the foot entirely. Which sent me to the Goodwill store to buy myself a pair of used crutches, so I can still get around a bit, without stressing out my foot any more than necessary. It cost me 7 bucks for the used crutches. A bargain. I actually like having them, because it's forced me to slow down a bit and look at life differently.

For one thing, I've come to realize that I'm not invincible. (I guess I used to think I was.) I'd never had a broken bone before in my life. Now I have this hairline fracture in one of my foot bones. It's from the constant impact from all the running I did. So now I see that I am vulnerable. Maybe running isn't the best idea for me to get my cardiovascular exercise.  After all, even after it heals, it could happen again if I keep on running every day the way I was doing. So I'm thinking, maybe after it heals, (it could take 1-2 months or more. . .), I ought to find some other form of cardio exercise. Maybe power walking, or swimming. 

I don't like swimming very much (because of the chlorinated water), but I have access to a pool so I might take advantage of it.

I spend more time just stepping out my door and sniffing the fresh air. We have a lot of lizards near my doorstep, so I watch them. They teach the lesson of patience. I am learning how to be patient while my foot heals, and being grateful for each beautiful day. Someone once told me, "Enjoy all the moments of your life." I think that is a good philosophy. Something worth repeating every morning, as a reminder that life is fragile and we might only get one go-around.

Love,

Marcy

The Lesson Learned from the Bees

The Lesson Learned from the Bees

When I was a little girl I lived in Fords, New Jersey. We had a beautiful two-story red brick house on a corner lot, with lots of room for pine trees, a red maple tree, a front and back yard, a graceful weeping willow in the back, an enclosed back porch. My mother did some gardening and has passed on that love to me.

She had a small rock garden by the side of the house, beneath the red maple, where she planted lusciously velvety-looking pansies, marigolds with their heady, pungent aromas, tiny violets, and sweet-smelling, delicate lillies-of-the-valley. Sometimes I'd have lunch nestled up in the crook of one of the large limbs of the maple tree. I loved her rock garden and have consequently come to love the flowers she grew there.

In the back yard she had a rose garden. I loved to wander through the rose garden and smell all the fragrances of the varieties of roses. The rose garden was frequented by many honeybees.

I didn't like bees, because to my five-year-old mind, they were mean insects because they could sting you. Some of my neighbor friends (other little kids) used to catch bees in a jar, so I decided one day to do that, too. It was daring and dangerous, because there was always the potential for getting stung--and that was what attracted me to doing this, and fascinated me. The first bee or two that was caught was easy; after that it became tricky because one had to open the jar to catch the next one, without letting any of the captured ones escape. Any that escaped would be angry and might sting me--this was what made the whole operation so "dangerous."

After my first experience with this daring and dangerous occupation, (and having survived without getting stung) whenever I was out in the backyard and bored, I'd go get a jar and catch bees, and I kept them in there till they died. I was five years old; I didn't know any better. My parents never told me I shouldn't do this, that bees were valuable insects that are important in nature because they help pollinate flowers. They didn't deserve to die captured in a jar.

I am not proud of this memory. In fact, I now feel badly for what I did; there is an ache in my heart. I wish someone had told me why this was not a good thing to do. I wish someone had told me about all the good things that bees do, why they are important in nature and should be respected.

I feel very deeply for all creatures now--even insects--so much so that I try to never harm any. They are all miracles of life in the Universe. They all serve some function; all are a part of the web of life. When I find bugs or insects in my house--even spiders, ants, flies--you name it--I always try to carefully trap them alive and release them unharmed back outside. This helps me to assuage the guilt I feel for my ignorance as a child. I don't think it makes up for what I did as a child, but I remind myself that I didn't know any better and I forgive myself.

What have you done in your past that needs your forgiveness? Be kind and gentle to yourself. You did the best you could in the moment, given your set of circumstances, and what you had to work with at the time. Forgive yourself and love yourself; we are all children of the Universe.

Love,

Marcy